Tips memarahi atau menghukum anak

[aziera]

Salam mommies,

Hopefully my thread is suitable for this forum.

Saya nak dapatkan nasihat dan pandangan semua mengenai cara terbaik untuk memarahi anak dan menghukum mereka dengan harapan perkara yang dilakukan tidak akan diulangi semula.

Contohnya anak sulung saya(3thn) yang suka pukul adik(17bln) kalau adiknya kacau atau ambil barang. Dah banyak kali pesan tapi masih tak berhenti. End up saya akan pukul tangan dia dgn harapan dia tau kesakitan yang adik dia rasa.
Lagi satu, bila dia nak buat sesuatu yang akan menyebabkan rumah jadi bersepah, atau yang membahayakan diri di** bila kita cakap 'Tak Boleh' atau 'Jangan', seolah-olah macam lebih mendorong dia untuk buat perkara tersebut.
Bila keadaan kita tengah sibuk atau penat, ini menyebabkan kita mudah meninggikan suara pada di** atau lebih teruk lagi, kita akan pukul dia. Walaupun pukul bukan kuat sangat tapi bila dah pukul tu rasa kesian sgt dengan dia. Tapi kadang-kadang bila dah tak boleh tahan sabar, laju je tangan nak pukul atau cubit dia. Dalam kes saya ni, kakak lebih jadi mangsa sebab dia dah besar dan lebih kreatif untuk buat perkara-perkara yang akan menyebabkan kita marah.
Jadi macamana caranya untuk kita jadi ibu yang lebih sabar? Macamana cara terbaik untuk kita sampaikan pada anak-anak perkara yang dia buat tak elok dan mungkin membahayakan dia? Mohon ilmu dan pandangan dari ibu-ibu yang lebih sabar dan berpengalaman.

[coachsha]

Salam Miss Aziera...

Yup, your thread is suitable dear, in my humble opinion.

We are no supermoms, though we aspire to be ibu mithali (hah nasyid itu telah mula berkumandang...). Now, how to handle problems mentioned?

1. PREVENTION is better than PUNISHMENT at that such young and tender age
Miss azier** me too guilty of the same crime. Kalau nak exercise, berat je tangan ni..tapi bila naik 'hangin' (pinjam quote miss anamiraa), macam ringan la pulak. Astaghfirullah..insaf.

When the li'l one mula nak capai barang akak, mama kena jadi orang tengah. You can inject them with the joy of sharing. Kongsi-kongsi kong sini. Kan barney kat** "Sharing is Caring."

Or, mama can tell kakak that she is bigger. She has the POWER to choose what toys/books adik can have. Wah..kakak is very kind. Kakak has a kind heart. Allah loves kind people tau, kak. Mama pun love orang yang kind. Look how happy adik is. *notice brainwashing in action*

Or, mama alihkan adik from situasi yang memungkinkan kakak pukul adik.

I know, kalau dah penat, rumah bersepah, it's so easy to lose our temper. Been there, done that!

Lastly, think of it this way. We always ask Allah in our doa - to make us solehah, more patient, more loving, etc. Remember that Allah does not automatically grant what we ask for. Instead, Ar Rahmaan gives us the CHANCE to be one. Nak jadi sabar, Allah kasi peluang untuk kita latih kesabaran. So, setiap kali nak naik 'hangin', ingat..

"This is my chance to be more patient! " InshaAllah.

Thanx for bringing this up. a reminder for yours truly.

[mamafiza]

Salam sayang dearie

Uh oh, sgt setuju dgn Miss coachsha "It's so easy to lose our temper. Been there, done that!"

Regarding to your inquiry, I'm afraid that I'm not a suitable person to give any opinion to you.

However, I'm more than happy to share my personal experienced on growing up with kiddies with you, my dear.

First thing I always do when I wake up in the morning will be:

Pray to God - to give me strength, guide me to be a better person each day on loving and teaching my kiddies. I prayed for God to help me to setup my mind on focus, search for positive side on my child behavior, strive for fun.

Yes, believe me; living your live 24x7 with kiddies sometimes will be the ultimate tricky. Same goes to me. Don't you worry

As for me, the KEY of dealing with 'em will be: MORE CONNECTION, THAN CORRECTION

I do believe "Spare the rod & spoil the child"

I practiced this method since I met my hubby till today *yes, I do make lots of mistake*. But, don't ya ever give up.

It is totally worthy to put 1% of positive input, changing 1% of your way of life from unpleasant to good, good to better and better to best *Insya-Allah, Amin~* due to it is hard for me to 100% change myself to be someone that I didn't know.


Secondly, before I start to talk with them, I try to think clearly and try to put myself in their shoes:
If I am a kid, would I want to see my mother screaming at me?
Do I intend to make my mummy angry on purpose?
Why I am do this?
What is the proper voice should I use?
AM I TEACHING OR PUNISHING?

My own discipline in dealing with my anger with them will be:

1) Quickly bring those *usually one kiddy* in one room (to ensure other siblings seeing what happen between me and his/her, in respective ways) Let other siblings busy playing with toys or reading books or coloring in another room.

2) See his/her face, eye-contact *but in my heart, before I dare to breath any word I kept on saying "Oh God, please help me now! I need you! Guide me through this, I want to teach my child! Pls!*

3) Ask him/her why he/she doing that thing. Why? If he/she told the truth (even it is good or bad as long it is the truth....yes believe me truth always the bitter part), praise them quickly by hugging and kissing, saying "I'm proud of you because you so brave telling me the truth. Allah will be so happy now. And I am happy for you too".

4) If he/she act differently; like more aggressive, quickly bring he/she to toilet, don't talk, don't yapping to 'em, just pour water all over their body and head *but in nice ways* and ask he/she to follow you to take wudhu'. After that, wipe he/she, bring back to empty room and ask he/she on why they're acting like that. Told he/she, you had wash away their anger by putting out the fire with water *firefighter method*

Sometimes I'll say: I'm sorry I can't talk with you for one whole day because you won't tell me what happen. Till we be friend again, I'll talk to you, OK?"

Insya-Allah, usually your kiddies will respect your ways if we as parent do respect ourselves and themselves.


Dealing with toys and books:

1) Before letting them play with toys, reading with their favorite books or art stuff, do make them promise that it is their responsibility to replace all the stuff *make sure you had teach them how to do some clean up before you ask them to do it because sometimes they just don't know, thats why they do need us, rite?*.

2) Keep remind them how lucky they are, having such luxury. Remind them about all of their friends out there so poor, didn't manage to own such toys/books/stuff. Told them how hard work for your husband and you to collect money to buy all those stuff just for them. Plus keep telling them "Remember kids, Allah always will blessed kiddies whom always be grateful to whatever they had, Allah will give you more if you willing to share with others especially your own siblings. However, if you won't, I am sorry kids, Allah will takes it back from you. Not me, but Allah. Belive me, sooner or later"

3) Make clean up as a fun game for them like "Uh oh who could clean up within 10 minutes, they surely beat me and be the winner of the day! 1,2,3 go!*

4) Practise & keep on practice


I hope I could help you with some of the above tips. Do not give up because as for me, child willing to make us angry just because he/she wants to grab our attention.

For them "I'll better got punished by my parent than they let me alone and ignore me".

As parent we had many other things to do but for them, they only have you!

Insya-Allah, I will always pray for your happiness. Amin~

Gambatte ne Miss Aziera *hugs*

[itnay]

salam...

terharu baca kesabaran mamafiza n coachsha dalam menangani karenah anak2
sometimes i did the same thing whenever rasa penat n lihat bilik bersepah with books n toys...n selalunya bila marah for sure suara akan tinggi...

but now bila baca pengalaman mommies in SI (especially...) rasa makin bertambah ilmu utk lebih SABAR menghadap karenah anak2...

GAZILLION THANKS (pinjam kata2 mamafiza) to all mommies...
mudah2an tugas n tanggungjawab kita sumer dalam mendidik anak2 (amanah yg telah diberikan oleh Allah) akan dapat dilaksana dengan sebaik mungkin dengan adanya bantuan hubby memasing(of course ngan izin Allah jua...)

moga hidup kita dirahmati Allah...amin

[ealyie]

Ya Allah.. ealyie berharap sangat ealyie juga dianugerahi 'kesabaran' yang lebih tebal oleh Allah dalam mendidik dan menguruskan urusan seharian di rumah.. To mamafiza n others, thanks for sharing ur experience..
ealyie nak tany** macamana nak elakkan pengunaan perkataan 'JANGAN' kepada anak2..sbb mcm terbiasa ucapkan. Pernah dengar tak elok.. Please help me..

[WhoAmI]

Thanks mamafiza (i think now i should call u GURUS) for a such beautiful advise from you.

*saya kena ubah diri dulu sebelum mengubah anak2*

[zuraimah]

Salam..

ye betul, mmg kene banyak sabar menghadapi kerenah anak-anakkan..

as for me, mmg x sesabar mamafiza or coachsha la...huhuhu if x naik angin.. i tend to being ignorance if my lil anisah does not want to accept my words... not sure whether she's feeling guilty ke ape..but later on mesti die nangis.. n at that hati yg tgh membara ni duk biar jek die nangis.. tp x bleh nak biar lama sbb I cant stand it..heheh then pujuk..siap minta maaf lagi sebab biar die nangis teruk2...*lol*

tpkan..mmg susah la nak tahan marah.. am always blame myself sbb cepat sgt naik angin tho i accept that some times kids do something that we think is wrong just to get our attention...hmm may Allah help us kan to manage our anger towards our kiddies...

huhuhu tetiba rasa bersalah jek ngn anisah coz lately mmg asyik kene marah aje...

[syurina]

Salam all,

Waa.. so jeles bila baca how u guys deal with anger.. I consider myself berkilometer jauhnya from mama2 sekalian.. I ni memang tak sabar + selalu hilang sabar but always try to bersabar.. Yg buat I paling tak sabar bila my 5 yo daughter TENUNG I balik whenever I try to deal with her attitude. Pastu siap pandang I mcm nak 'challange' I balik lak tu! Bila I tanya elok2, dia buat senyap je & pandang I balik mcm dia tak salah apa2.. Waaa.. my blood pun start to go upstairs la mcm tu! Mula2 tu memang sabar, tapi bila my daughter dok senyap + tenung I mcm tu, there goes my SABAR.. huhuu!! Always pray to Allah that someday I'd have GREAT patience with my kids.. AMIN.. Anyway, thanks SOO MUCH for all your tips.. Would surely learn from all the mamas here!

By the way, how to encourage my hubby to do as what I did? Tau la lelaki mcm mana kan.. tahap kesabaran diorg lain sket from us the moms. Kalau I betulkan cara di** takut dia hilang sabar kat I lak.. Kalau I tak tegur, kang lain la ceritanya.. Penat2 la kita control sabar, dah tu dia lak hilang sabar.. So how eh? Bukan nak kata my hubby tu tak sabar orgnya.. he's very patient with my kids, cuma kadang2 tu lain mcm sket marah dia tu.. Kesian la anak2 I tu bila kena marah.. Please advice.. Thanks..

[WhoAmI]

hai all,

saya pulak seorang yg suka memanjakan dan dimanjakan...takutla sifat tu memakan diri sendiri dan anak2...saya sedia maklum jgn manjakan anak terlebih2 takut memberi kesan negatif....tapi lately my doter sudah banyak perangainya...sama mcm mommies semua experience.....kadang2 saya x sure tindakan yg saya buat tu betul ke tidak...hukuman manj** belaian yg diberi takut2 tidak sesuai....

Yg buat I paling tak sabar bila my 5 yo daughter TENUNG I balik whenever I try to deal with her attitude. Pastu siap pandang I mcm nak 'challange' I balik lak tu!

mama syurin**
attitude neh sama dgn adik bongsu saya....11 tahun...mmg sebijik mcm neh perangainya...tapi my mom jenis yg cepat tgn...so, dia selalu kena *debik*....kesiannn....

[zuraimah]

huhuhuhu agree with Syurina...I want that tips too