Happy Saturday & Sunday

Dearest lovely mommies,

For your information, this blog will be in holiday every Saturday & Sunday.

Check out the next article on Monday.Thank you very much for visiting Whizkid Website, may all the best for all of ya ;)

p/s: I’ve just found the Webmaster from WhyHomeSchool (Henry Cate, California, USA), had put on my name and my link at his official Home School Site on August 5, 2006 *maybe I’m too late to find it out*.

Whooa~ Thank you very much Sir. Wish ya all the best too.

MamaFiza on WhyHomeSchool site

*this is the print screen from his page ^_- *

January 13, 2007 | Filed Under MamaFiza's Blog | 2 Comments 

How to Help Your Shy Toddler

People always said that a home schooling child will become a social misfit.

I am grateful to God because I had proved they were ultimate WRONG.

Shy Toddler

What is the biggest misconception person having about those who learn at home?

A myth that our kids will not be socialized. If they mean the cruel, competitive kind of socialization that we often see in public school, they are right (thank goodness). If they mean they will not be around other people and kids, they clearly know nothing about how homeschoolers really live

- Tamra Orr, Home School Expertise, USA

Children do not need to be socialized in a large group of same-age children to become well adjusted socially.Quite the opposite.

Most parents want their children to learn their social graces from adults, not other children.

Homeschoolers have healthy relationships with people of all ages, including the new mother next door, the retired couple who loves to garden, their friends at ballet, Karate and, most important, their parents.

Children love to learn. It is as natural to them as breathing.

They have an inborn hunger to explore the world and examine what is interesting.

They learn by following their interests, with one interest leading to another. This is the way we all learned as younger children and how as adults we learn after we leave school.

Homeschooling families learn together and know that learning is a life-long process.

The concern that homeschooled children may be unsocial has proved to be a myth.

A homeschooled child is free to explore the richness and diversity of life outside institutional walls.

In lieu of same-age grouping found in schools, the homeschooled child may interact with people of all ages and kinds in the extended family, the community, the working world, and beyond.

There are also homeschool support groups, with field trips, mini-classes, parties, plays, and community service.

Since KiruaMi-cHan was born, he tend to be more closed to me than other baby did with their mum due to I had breasfeeding him exclusively for 2 years and 6 months.

I love him to be such a cuddly baby forever with me but it is my duty to teach him to know whom he could trust and with whom he could be friend.

I did not want my child to follow any strangers that they met.

Nevertheless, it does not mean that I want to overprotected him, it is because of the security of my baby is my main precedence.

When KiruaMi-cHan was 2 months old, I took my first step to read him a book about “How to Deal with Strangers When You Are Alone“.

I made him clear that he supposed to be aware of strangers and the consequence if he does not.

My hubby and I brought him to the playground since he was a little baby and introduced him to outside world.He managed to play the swings at the park confidently when he was 6 months old.

While others were just love tittle-tattle around, I took my private time with him; singing, tell stories, sharing facts while we were at the playing field.

Of course, he will feel insecure with strangers, but I did not want to label him as *shy*.

I preferred he took his time to know others as a security reason.

Whenever he with me, he will asked me whether “that person” is safe for us to shake hand or give a hug, he will followed.

The important thing here is; do not push your toddler but lead them. At the age of 2, I took him to the mosque every Friday night to read Yassin.

I made sure I described to him about the mosque, the people whom we were going to meet, the activities, and etc before we go.I packed for him his drawing book, pencil, small story book, healthy snack, his favorite drinks plus one of his favorite Hotwheel car to ensure he feel just “at home“.

At first, he felt a bit weird when he saw too many people gathered and read Yassin together.

But then, he seemed to be happy, watching me carefully muttered words in Arabic language and surprisingly he even joined me while I am praying with the group.

Every Friday noon, my hubby brings him to “Friday Prayer” and let him feels the difference.

Alhamdulillah, until now, he is the one whom truly excited when it comes to Friday!

He so proud to wear his Baju Melayu and love to listen to the Khutbah eventhough the Khutbah is 100% in Malay language (it’s my hubby duty to translate for him).

My hubby and I took him to KLCC playground due to he could easily get along with his foreign friend.

It is such a pleased moment watching him using his English mix with a bit of Spanish, French, Japanese, Hebrew, Bahasa Melayu and Arabic words while playing with them.

Most of the kids were using more than 4 languages at home. He first reacted when met and chat with a Scotland toddler girl is “Mama, I found my friend“.

For me, he just love to play around with new language.

I trained him to be thankful to Allah and be proud to whatever he be while at the same time don’t forget about poor people.

I’ve got one experienced while I saw another big kids at my grandma’s house teased him that he is “anak Mat Salleh“, then I’m so glad he just ignored the pathetic attitude and said “You should be shame of yourself“.

3 days later, he proof himself he could speaks very well in Malay languages even my hubby and I never teach him just by listening to my grandma’s talking.

Other routines that we do to keep my toddler and my babies to real life were:

We do anything that make our kids happy. It doest need a special place, it just need a room and a loving heart with; curios, playful and healthy kids. Other tips from Dr Michele Borba and Dr. Lawrence Balter that I adopted in teaching my baby and toddler are:

Instead of saying, “My child is shy,” try explaining that “KiruaMi-cHan just got here. It takes him a few minutes to warm up.” If called my child shy, he may internalize the label and make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. What’s more, my child may use it as an excuse for not doing something (”I didn’t thank grandma for the present because I’m shy“).

If I were shy as a child, I think about how I came to feel more comfortable. Did it help me to make one good friend, to join a sports team, to get outside myself and volunteer with my parents at a soup kitchen or nursing home?

I do recalling my own feelings which allowed me to empathize with my child and devise a plan of action.It helps when I talk to my child about times when I were nervous as a kid (”I would get butterflies before I walked into a party too“). If he knows that others share his feelings, he might feel less sensitive in her social interactions.

You can’t teach a child to socialize by pushing him into a kid-filled room and then walking away. That would be like trying to teach him to swim by tossing him in the pool.Instead, ease him into social settings.

Before you go to a party, talk to him about who might be there and what games might be played. Then, at the party, stay with your child for as long as he needs you.

If he feels really uncomfortable, you might want to stay for just a short while.However, you should also point out to your kid that the birthday child would appreciate his effort to join in, and that not staying could hurt her feelings.

As for me, when I had to visit my uncle at the hospital, firstly I told my toddler and my baby what is the hospital, where is it, what kind of people works there, what kind of person that we meet, what should we do while we there.They a bit scared when the first time saw too many sick people in that room, I calmed them by saying, “Poor those uncle, they are so sick and unwell. You could help them by giving them your best smile which will make them feel very happy and get well soon“Both of them followed my words and they were extremely happy when all the patient smiles back at them. “There, you see you had made such a great work today! Good job KiruaMi-cHan and ReiHi-cHan. Let’s we pray for their health“, as I replied to them with smiled. I am so glad, they were keep quiet, well-behave and watching the patient with sympathy.

You might have your son “help” with a younger sibling in your (or another) family.Ask him to show the younger child how to do something (”Why don’t you show Michael how to build the blocks into a big tower“).

Shy children are often full of self-doubt and being admired by a younger child may build self-confidence.

When you catch your kid being friendly, make a big deal of it (”That was brave the way you said ‘hi’ to the bus driver!“).

Children are more to repeat actions that have had happy outcomes.

Give your youngster opportunities to shine. If your daughter has a flair for art, enroll her in an art class with her age-mates.

This will boost her confidence while expanding her social contacts.

Other children respond to kids who are friendly-those who smile, look people in the eye, start conversations, and listen to others. But kids who are shy haven’t had much practice in these skills.

You can help by practicing friendly behavior together with your child (”Let’s say Zidane asks you to play with him. I’ll be Justin: ‘Hi! Want to play with my race cars?‘ What’s a good thing for you to say back? Now you pretend to be Justin and I’ll pretend to be you”).

Do this several times, making sure to correct and prompt your child as well as praise him.Eventually, as your child becomes more outgoing, other children will take him into the fold. This, in turn, will boost his social confidence and counter his tendency to withdraw.

Children need to learn to live with the occasional slings and arrows of others. They need to see that they do not fall apart as a result of a rebuke. If you are too quick to “fix” every frustration, you might be thwarting your child’s ability to develop social skills.

When you see your child struggling to join a group of kids, stifle your urge to butt in-count to ten-and let her use the skills you’ve been practicing with her. She may surprise you!

One of the most common traits of well-liked kids use is that they use eye contact. In fact the average person spends 30 to 60 percent of the time looking at the other person’s face.

As you’re talking with your child say: “Look at me.” or “Put your eyes on my eyes.” or “I want to see your eyes.” If your kid is uncomfortable about using eye contact, tell her: “Look at the bridge of my nose.”

It’s natural for a shy child to focus on past failures. So help her recall previous experiences when things went really well. “Remember last year’s swimming lessons? You begged not to go, but did and met a new friend.”

One of the most common characteristics of confident, well-liked kids is that they smile and smile. So whenever your child displays a smile, reinforce it: “What a great smile!” or “That smile of yours always wins people over.”

Also, point out how your child’s smile effects others: “Do see how kids smile back when you smile?” “That little boy saw your smile and came over to play. Your smile let him know you were friendly.”

If your kid has had a really embarrassing attack of shyness find a time to discuss what happened and she could handle it better next time. “It sounds like you really didn’t like being with so many kids. What if you only invite one friend at a time?” “So what really bugged you was asking Kevin face to face. Why not ask him on the phone next time?”

Any and every effort your child makes to be even a tad more social deserves a pat on the back: “I saw how you walked up to that new boy today. Good for you!” “I noticed that you really made an effort to say hello to Sheila’s mom. She looked so pleased!”

Some kids take longer to warm up in a social setting, so give your child time to settle in. Be patient and don’t push too quickly. Let her watch a bit, figure out what’s up, and set her own time frame to join in.

Help him fit in. All kids need to feel as comfortable as possible when they’re with their friends. So make sure your son or daughter has a cool hair cut, the “in” pair of sneakers, backpack, jacket, or pair of jeans. It can make a big difference in boosting a kid’s comfort level.

Prepare your kid for an upcoming social event by describing the setting, expectations, and other kids who will be there. Then help him practice how to meet others, table manners, making small talk, and even how to say good-bye.

Doing so will decrease some of the anxiety he’s bound to have from being in a new setting.Hint: A shyer child often feels less threatened practicing social skill with a younger, more immature kids than children his own age.

Many kids can be overwhelmed in groups, so limit the number of friends to one at a time. Then gradually increase the number as she gains confidence

“It’s important to remember that being shy is not necessarily a self-defeating personality trait. Many successful people, including political leaders, performers, scientists, and artists, have said that they were shy as kids, yet attained success and happiness as adults”- Dr. Lawrence Balter

“If your child is shy, chances are he was born with a more introverted, sensitive personality. So this is not about trying to turn him into an extrovert. After all, you can’t change your child’s personality and natural temperament. But you can help your child learn the skills he needs (and deserves) to feel more comfortable and confident with your kids. And that is doable because of this fact: shyness doesn’t have to be debilitating. So let’s focus on what you can do to enhance your kid’s abilities to find, make, and keep friends. Here are nine ways to help a shyer child fit in and feel more comfortable in social situations”- Dr Michele Borba

Remember: Your role is not to try and change your child’s basic temperament and personality but instead to help him warm up, open up, and join the fun having friends can bring. Simple, little changes can reap big results.Best of luck mommies! Amin ;)

January 12, 2007 | Filed Under My Fun Homeschool | Leave a Comment 

Temper Tantrum In Toddler

Everyday is a brand new day.

Each day I learned new things about my beloved toddler KiruMi-cHan and lovely baby ReiHi-cHan.

KiruaMi-cHan will be 3 years old at the end of this month.

I want to teach him new thing for both of us: How to Help Toddler Express Anger Constructively.

Temper Toddler

Recently, KiruaMi-cHan reacted his anger when he did not get 100% attention from me or my hubby.

I tried to take this in positive ways, keep on praying and I had made some research from the Internet regarding to this issues.

Luckily, I found Dr. Michele Borba articles that was so great for me to follow those step in guiding my toddler.

Temper tantrums or “acting-out” behaviors are natural during early childhood development.

As children learn to separate from their parents (that is, as they learn that they are separate beings), they have a normal and natural tendency to assert their independence.

This desire for control often manifests as saying “no” often and having tantrums, which are compounded by the fact that the child may not have the vocabulary to adequately express his or her feelings.

Tantrums generally begin between the ages of 12 to 18 months, peak between 2 and 3 years, then decrease rapidly until age 4 after which they should be seldom seen.

Being tired, hungry, or sick can make tantrums worse or more frequent. I do make sure that my child eats and sleeps at his or her usual times.

Sometimes, if he no longer takes a nap, I’ll keep in mind that it is still important to have some quiet time. We lying down for 15 to 20 minutes resting while I read stories for him at regular times of day can help prevent his tantrums.

When my child has a temper tantrum, it is important for me to remain calm. It helps me to remember that tantrums are normal — they are NOT my fault, I am NOT a bad parent, and my son and daughter is NOT a bad child.

As for me, shouting at or hitting my child will only make the situation worse. A quiet, peaceful response and atmosphere, without “giving in” or breaking the rule that I have just set, will reduce stress and make both of us feel better.

I always remember that children imitate behavior. I also try gentle distraction to activities that they enjoy or try making a funny face.

When I am not at home during a tantrum, I try to carry my child to a quiet place like inside a rest room, keeping him safe with me until the tantrum has ended.

I started with:

The best way to teach kids how to deal with anger constructively is by showing them through my example!

After all, we don’t learn how to calm down by reading about it in a book, but by seeing someone do it.

I used those frustrating experiences as “on-the-spot lessons” of ways to calm down.

Here’s an example:Suppose I get a phone call from the bookstores saying that my order have been delay. I am furious! Standing nearby is my toddler hearing the conversation and now watching you very closely. Muster every ounce of calmness and use it as an instant anger control lesson: “I am so angry right now”

I calmly told my toddler. “The bookstores just delay our orders.”

Then offer a calm-down solution: “I’m going on a quick walk so I can get back in control.” I am now a living example of calmness, and that example is what my child will copy.

One of the toughest parts of parenting is when children address their anger towards us.

If I am not careful, I will find his anger fueling emotions in me that I never realized were in me.

Beware: Anger is contagious. It’s best to make a rule in your home from the start:”In this house we solve problems when we’re calm and in control.”

And then consistently reinforce the rule.

Here’s an example of how I used it:

When my child is angry and wants a quick solution, I said, “I need a time out. Let’s talk about this later” and then exit calmly and don’t answer back.

Exiting calmly then talking is especially difficult rule to uphold when you’re dealing with aggressive kids who love power struggles. Sometimes I looked at him saying, “You sound upset. Let’s talk when you’re in control,” and walked away.

Many kids display anger because they simply don’t know how to express their frustrations any other way.

Kicking, screaming, swearing, hitting or throwing things may be the only way they know how to show their feelings.

Asking this kid to “tell me how you feel” is unrealistic, because he may not have learned the words to tell you how he is feeling!

To help him express his anger, I created a feeling word poster together saying: “Let’s think of all the words we could use that tell others we’re really angry” then list his ideas.

Here’s a few: angry, mad, frustrated, furious, irritated, ticked off, irate, and incensed. I wrote them on a chart, hang it up, and practice using them often.

When my toddler is angry, I used the words so he can apply them to real life: “Looks like you’re really angry. Want to talk about it?” or “You seem really irritated. Do you need to walk it off?”

Then keep adding new emotion words to the list whenever new ones come up in those great “teachable moments” opportunities throughout the day.

I explained to my toddler that we all have little signs that warn us when we’re getting angry.

We should listen to them because they can help us stay out of trouble.

Next, I helped my toddler recognized what specific warning signs he may have that tells him he’s starting to get upset such as, “I talk louder, my cheeks get flushed, I clench my fists, my heart pounds, my mouth gets dry and I breathe faster.”

Once he’s awared of them, I started pointing them out to him whenever he first starts to get frustrated. “Looks like you’re starting to get out of control.” or “Your hands are in a fist now. Do you feel yourself starting to get angry?“.

I’ve found that the more we help our kids recognize those early angry warning signs when their anger is first triggered, the better they will be able to calm themselves down.

It’s also the time when anger management strategies are most effective.

Anger escalates very quickly, and waiting until a child is already in “melt down” to try to get her back into control is usually too late.

A very effective strategy for helping kids to calm down is called “3 + 10.”I printed the formula on large pieces of paper and hang them all around your house.

Then I told my toddler how to use the formula: “As soon as you feel your body sending you a warning sign that says you’re losing control, do two things. First, take 3 deep slow breaths from your tummy.”(Please, please model this with your child. I showed him how to take a deep breath. I told him to pretend he’s riding an escalator. Start at the bottom step and as you take the breath ride up the escalator slowly. Hold it! Now ride slowly down the escalator releasing your breath steadily at the same time).

“That’s 3. Now count slowly to ten inside your head. That’s 10. Put them all together, it’s 3 + 10 and it helps you calm down.”

Teaching kids a new way to deal with their anger constructively is not easy; especially if they have only practiced aggressive ways to deal with their frustrations.

Research tells us learning new behaviors; such as recognizing anger triggers, exiting then talking, 3 +10–take a minimum of 21 days of repetition.

Here’s are the recommendationone minute a day for 21 days” and it instantly becomes more realistic.

Besides, the possibility your child will really learn the new skill will be much stronger, because he’s been practicing the same technique over and over, and that’s exactly the way you learn any new skill.It’s also the best way to stem the onslaught of violence and help our kids lead more successful, peaceful lives. You do make a difference!

Other methods

It is recommends that you call your pediatrician if:

Please mommies, let us know our child in better way. Wish you all the best in teaching your sweet toddler ;)

January 11, 2007 | Filed Under My Fun Homeschool | 11 Comments 

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